Monday, January 11, 2010

conversations with True Blood...

Warning: May contain minor spoilers.

We'll start with our favorite neighborhood vampire:

Bill Compton

Oh Bill, your love for Sookie is admirable and I have grown to heart you. Its completely obvious that you straight-up love her (God knows why sometimes) and you have her best interest at heart. You could probably do better. You're pretty old but thats ok. It was a little traumatizing when you erupted from the earth, naked and covered in soil, and continued to stick your dirty weenie in Sookie. Please don't do it ever again. 
Its still weird watching you slice into people's necks with your fangs. Every time you do it I think about how Edward never would. I miss my Twilight vampires.

PS, why is your hair getting fluffier every episode? Did you recently invest in some shampoo?

Sookie Stackhouse

Dear Sookie. Stop being such a crazy irrational bitch. You freak out at every little provocation and its getting a little old. Yeah, Bill didn't come home for a day or two because he was in trouble for saving your life. Stop being a B. YOU are the one who wanted to date an effing vampire. And please stop mouthing off to people, particularly vampires, that you don't know because one of these days you're going to get murdalized. You need to mellow. the. hell. out. and get that gap in your teeth fixed.
That being said, you have definitely gotten better in season two. I almost like you now. You wear some seriously padded bras though. Don't think we don't notice.

Eric Northman

Eric, you are a huge man. When you stand next to Bill he looks like a little munchkin. I kind of hate you. I know some people have a thing for you but I'm not really sure why. Maybe its something I don't know from the books. I'm glad that you got blood in your hair and had to cut it because it was looking a little nast.
No one appreciated your trickery with the silver bullets in your chest. Please go away and leave Sookie and Bill alone, kthx.

Sam Merlotte

I have to be honest, I thought you were a big pervy and possibly a murderer on season one. Now that I know how things went down, I actually like you. You need to find yourself a nice lady and forget about Sookie. She is a lost cause for real. I completely associate you with Luke from Gilmore Girls. Sometimes I even call you Luke in my head before I realize you aren't him.

Lafayette Reynolds
Not much to say besides I love you. You are totally whacky and you might just be my favorite character EVER. When I thought that Bill killed you I died inside. a lot. You give the show so much flavor and your tough guy/flamboyant gay man combination is just perfect. Please stay alive so I don't have to quit watching.

Tara Thornton

Tara, you had a totally f-ed up childhood and it has f-ed you up as an adult. Maryann was the best and worst thing to happen to you. Try to get a grip and keep it together. Stop picking fights with everyone because you're so hurt inside. Hopefully the writers will make something good happen for you instead of giving you the short end of the stick constantly.

Maryann Forrester

Holy crap, I have never wanted anyone to die more than you. I wanted to personally shank you in the eyeball. Tara should have listened to what her mama used to say about satan in a sunday hat. It was too good to be true. I could not believe when you made that hunter's stew for Tara and Eggs and they ate it all. I wanted to vom. You are an evil, evil, B and I couldn't have been more relieved when you got what was coming to you. Bless Bill and Sam for making it happen.

Jason Stackhouse

Lets just get right down to it. You are a moron. But there is a reason that all the ladies want to make love to your bod. And that is, well, your bod. Holy jeez you are fit. You're a little too pretty for my taste but I can appreciate good looks when I see them. You're also kind of compact. Very small and fit.
You were a bit less moronic this second season and you started to realize that you had made some pretty dumb choices. Stay away from V Jason.

Andy: ... and women do just throw themselves at you. You don't even have to do anything.
Jason: Actually I do. I work out like a motherfucker and I watch a lot of porn to learn stuff.

greatest jason quote.

Jessica Hamby

You.are.gorgeous. SO effing gorgeous. When Bill first turned you into a vampire I was pretty sure I hated you. You were obnoxious and made really annoying pouting noises. Once you settled down and started dressing like not a slut I decided I heart you. Please go back to Hoyt because you guys were made for each other. You can work through the whole virgin-forever thing. And the whole trying to eat his mother.. thing. details really.

If you haven't seen this show I suggest doing so! Its very entertaining.
Don't judge it till you're at least 4 episodes into season one though. The first few suck bad.

Give me your thoughts on the characters if you've seen the show!

3 comments:

  1. Dear Christina,

    I'm not sure we can be friends anymore after you hating on my lover Eric. Not only is he gorgeous, he tells it like it is. Please read the books and love him like I do. Bill is stupid,but so is Sookie. Jason's bod is the best. As long as he doesn't open his mouth to speak, he is perfect. I never thought Maryann was going to die but I contemplated jumping through the screen to do it myself. No lie. Lafayette is the man. I'm glad they didn't kill him off, which they should have done to Tara because that chick gets on my last nerve. Jessica is gorgeous. End of story.

    So in summary, I love true blood, please read the books, and reformulate your opinion on Eric.

    <3

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  2. Bastina-You are going to get shanked for the Eric comments! Oooh! The ladies love him.

    Hi, I adore this post! I also would adore if you and my brother were almost done with the other part of season 2! I am thisclose to being done with the first disc!

    Jason is the hottness. Bill is legit. Sookie I love her.

    "Suckay NO!" That is all.

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  3. Tara is pretty annoying. At this point shes kind of just deadweight on the show.

    I don't know what to tell you, I do not like Eric. I don't feel like the show is supposed to be making you like him either. Maybe I'll read the books I guess but I thought they weren't that good?

    We actually are done with the last part. I plan on doing laundry soon.. I can bring it over then or you can pick it up if you cant wait.

    ReplyDelete

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